32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
