No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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