In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
