I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
