If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
