Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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