Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
