so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
