that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
