I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
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red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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