I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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