It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Randomize
