the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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