Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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