Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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