So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We have started to decorate penises.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I am mentally ready for anal.
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