____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
