I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
