i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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