I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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