His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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