trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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