clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
