I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
