Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
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Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
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The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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