You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
