So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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