Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
