Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
