worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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