it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
