I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
if you like me you must not know who I am
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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