I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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