my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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