This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
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