so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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