If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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