I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
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I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
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Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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