ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
