let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
