So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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