I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
