airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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