Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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