i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
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I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
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I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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