Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
