fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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