The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
