I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
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Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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