Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
