All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
