ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
