The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
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I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
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My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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