my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
