Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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