Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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