It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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