yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
