My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
