I'm going to jail i love you
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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