If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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