thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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