u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
