Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize