You're my little dorito
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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