He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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