She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize