By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
