I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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