just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
