I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
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hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
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I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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