You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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