Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
