DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize